To live takes courage

Since I was 6 years old, I always felt different, out of place, a stranger. This feeling was stronger between the age of 20 till 30. I went through a phase of self-destruction, my cult movie was Natural born killers, I had a poster of Orange Mechanic on my wall. I thought I was on the wrong planet, that they had been a mistake. I was a lion in a cage, undomesticated. I felt surrounded by people I couldn't relate to, I wasn't talking their language, we weren't from the same specie. I was high up in the firmament while they were remaining on the ground. I was passing time at any cost. I use to answer to the question what do you for a living: I live it keeps me busy...I could have die or maybe not after all since I'm alive and more than ever before. I'm not the type to let go that easily. I was born with the spleen. The lucky ones find very early what to do with their life i never knew what to do with mine, why I was on earth. I wasn't able to be satisfy with the day to day routine. I thought I was in technicolour while they were grey, I felt I was truly alive, while they were living dead, not conscious of the fact that they were alive. With age, i became less arrogant and, I have to say, more like them. The feeling of being a stranger is gone, I feel very much attached to this world. Maybe because I'm a mother now. It was a slow process, coming back to reality, It took me time, I did it step by step. I'm happy with what I have become. I feel that I can control myself, say no when it's time, I'm almost at peace. I'm still moving forward, but not in a destructive way, in a positive way. I feel confident that i can make it, that i can making it alone. I feel that my time has come because this is my life and it is my time to shine.