vendredi 18 novembre 2011
Mother love
I haven't wrote since a while. Mother love. One cannot go out of anything in the name of mother. love. Almost every time I see my mother I feel I'm on the bench of the accused and she is the prosecutor. I feel I'm a sorcerer and my mother is ready to light up the fire. I'm grateful that she gave me life and that I was able because of her to be a mother myself. I respect her for that and I don't hate her but I can't see her. I have to stay away from her. I can't go forward with her. She's mean and jealous and she is a bad mother. When I was 10, I was abducted for a whole afternnon by a stranger who sexually assulted me. I told my mother not everything because I couln't but she knew that a man took me. She didn't do anything. I call it no assistanc e to a child in danger. I think that behaviour explains the set up of our relationship. I rest my case.
lundi 31 octobre 2011
la naïveté des nations occidentales
La naîveté des nations occidentales face à l'islamisme me surprend à tout coup et que penser du vote français pour l'adhésion de la Palestine à l'Unesco ?! Que va-t-il sortir de ce printemps arabe et à qui va-t-il profiter ? J'ai l'impression que la coalition de la Grande-Bretagne, la France et des États-Unis en Lybie va en prendre plein la gueule. Il fallait y croire mais ça sent de plus en plus le roussi... Comment imaginer, par exemple, que le tombeau des patriaches soient considérés comme appartenant au patrimoine des Palestiniens ? Toute cette situation me semble complètement absurde, le monde aurait-il perdu la tête ? Toutefois, si les Juifs ont survécu à la destruction de leurs temples, à l'exil et à l'holocauste, ils survivront encore et toujours.
Jonathan Sacks le Grand Rabin d'Israel
samedi 29 octobre 2011
To start anew
The possibility to start anew, fresh, liberated from the past, that's what I have started. tout début a un commencement. Sometimes I feel like if I would be stuck in a never ending start without beginning, like if I would be walking on a trade mill. The courage to face my mistakes and make the much needed corrections. Tuesday will be the time of that new beginning. Let's see what will come next.
mardi 25 octobre 2011
To be grateful
Sometimes I am so deeply swallowed by money worries, that I drown into negativity which is the worst place to be.
Today I had two unexpected gifts. First my rabbi called to offer my oldest daughter ticket to see the hockey game tomorrow, she will go with 7 other kids, front row tickets, 400$ each ! Secondly, I called my landlord to tell him that I was thinking of changing the dishwasher and he told me that he'll pay for it. My landlord is truly a saint man, god bless him !
Like my grand-father Saul use to tell me: don't worry, everything is going to be allright.
To let go of negativity and negative vibes. And never stop believing.
Today I had two unexpected gifts. First my rabbi called to offer my oldest daughter ticket to see the hockey game tomorrow, she will go with 7 other kids, front row tickets, 400$ each ! Secondly, I called my landlord to tell him that I was thinking of changing the dishwasher and he told me that he'll pay for it. My landlord is truly a saint man, god bless him !
Like my grand-father Saul use to tell me: don't worry, everything is going to be allright.
To let go of negativity and negative vibes. And never stop believing.
mardi 18 octobre 2011
Courage
Courage is my new word. it came as the word of the day, than the word of the week and now the word of the month. Let's see how long he's going to stand there in my life. Courage. Courage to be, courage to be you, most of all courage to over come the fear, our own fear. Courage to trust, to love, to change. To let go to jump into the unknown, to face, to accept ourself or someone else.
Courage to wish like Gilad Shalit, after 5 years of captivity at the hands of the Hamas, for peace between both people instead of wishing for revenge.
Courage is my new word until the next.
lundi 17 octobre 2011
to be a mother
To be a mother is the biggest responsability and a privilege. it is the most beautiful thing I have ever done. to say that I am in love with my kids is an understatement. I say that god blessed me not once but twice. i always knew I couldn't die before being a mother, I always knew I would be one. i could say that I am first a mother and after a woman. Their happiness will always come before mine. I have the most wonderful, sweet and beautiful children. I am truly blessed and eternally grateful.
dimanche 16 octobre 2011
to be calm
The more I advance in age the more calm I become. I'm enjoying that state of coming closer to peacefulness. I use to think of myself as intense, I think of myself more and more as peaceful. I have to say that it is a relief. My intensity was a burden very heavy to carry. The pieces are coming together, I am almost centered, in control. It doesn't mean that my life is absolutely perfect far away from it. I don't think that anybody can claim to a perfect life but I grasp it now. Instead of saying I live by the grace of god, I feel that I live by my grace as well. I'm less anxious, I trust and I have faith. N'aie crainte car Yahve ton Dieu est dans toutes tes démarches.
Barush Hashem,
vendredi 14 octobre 2011
FORWARD
TO BE HUMAN IS TO BE CONSCIOUS OF BEING ALIVE AND OF TIME.
JUDAISM IS THE RELIGION OF THE FUTURE TENSE, THE FUTURE DOESN'T EXIST IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM, THE PRESENT, MAYBE THE PAST, BUT NOT THE FUTURE.
JUDAISM IS A RELIGION OF MOTION, JUDAISM IS GOING FORWARD. HUMAN HAVE THE POSSIBILITY OF THAT MOVEMENT FORWARD, HISTORY IN MAKING
jeudi 13 octobre 2011
mercredi 12 octobre 2011
Maturity
In judaism maturity comes at 40 years old. For me, part of maturity is letting go of the pass and stepping in adulthood. It took me time I think now I just did, letting go of my past, letting go of my ties to the past.
I was in Zara today and they played most of the song I play here or on my FB page, very strange...
I'm finally ready to be a woman and not a little girl. You will say being 45 years old it's about time, but it took me time. Being an adult was never something I was looking for as a child, I was dreading the adulthood. Real life, real accomplishment comes with adulthood, I making my first step, let's see what will be the outcome.
lundi 10 octobre 2011
dimanche 9 octobre 2011
To live takes courage
Since I was 6 years old, I always felt different, out of place, a stranger. This feeling was stronger between the age of 20 till 30. I went through a phase of self-destruction, my cult movie was Natural born killers, I had a poster of Orange Mechanic on my wall. I thought I was on the wrong planet, that they had been a mistake. I was a lion in a cage, undomesticated. I felt surrounded by people I couldn't relate to, I wasn't talking their language, we weren't from the same specie. I was high up in the firmament while they were remaining on the ground. I was passing time at any cost. I use to answer to the question what do you for a living: I live it keeps me busy...I could have die or maybe not after all since I'm alive and more than ever before. I'm not the type to let go that easily. I was born with the spleen. The lucky ones find very early what to do with their life i never knew what to do with mine, why I was on earth. I wasn't able to be satisfy with the day to day routine. I thought I was in technicolour while they were grey, I felt I was truly alive, while they were living dead, not conscious of the fact that they were alive. With age, i became less arrogant and, I have to say, more like them. The feeling of being a stranger is gone, I feel very much attached to this world. Maybe because I'm a mother now. It was a slow process, coming back to reality, It took me time, I did it step by step. I'm happy with what I have become. I feel that I can control myself, say no when it's time, I'm almost at peace. I'm still moving forward, but not in a destructive way, in a positive way. I feel confident that i can make it, that i can making it alone. I feel that my time has come because this is my life and it is my time to shine.
samedi 8 octobre 2011
vendredi 7 octobre 2011
to have a voice
I heard and Afghan woman in an interview who said I wasn't afraid to die I was afraid to be alive but to be dead inside. A wanted to be a woman with a voice.
before I use to say that I was screaming to an army of death people, I didn't care, i had a voice, I was alive.
http://www.worldpressphoto.org/photo/2011jodibieberpo-1?gallery=890
lundi 3 octobre 2011
vendredi 30 septembre 2011
mardi 27 septembre 2011
Le côté obscur du coeur
I don't know why I had to post this also. I guess I would just love to meet a man who would speak to me like that.
Do you know how to fly ?
Life is made to be lived
To be to be and to be.
I am.
Today I felt good. I felt good with my life, i felt good in my skin. I felt in peace. Life doesn't have to be perfect, life is not about perfection, life is about living, feeling grateful and enjoying.
Today was a good day !
lundi 26 septembre 2011
Artificial paradise
To have, to have or to have.
The question is: should a person sacrifice all of his self-respect in order to keep his social and material status just because he feels that life is not worth it without it? Should he accepts everything with the excuse that anyway it wouldn't be different because everybody does the same ? Is it really better to be alone than to be with anyone ?
dimanche 25 septembre 2011
Atlas
There is some days where I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, like Atlas. J'ai une copine qui dit: Il n'a pas l'usure du monde. Certaines personnes n'ont jamais senti le poids du monde sur leurs épaules. Pourquoi suis-je née avec ce spleen...
samedi 24 septembre 2011
Qui suis-je ? Parfois j'aimerais être plus normal, plus simple, moins différente mais je n'y arrive pas. Je suis une excentrique. Je vis ma vie comme je l'entends à ma façon. Je vis par la grâce de D-eu. J'ai besoin de donner du sens à ma vie, voir une histoire plus grande que la mienne. J'aime la longue durée. J'aime l'ensemble, le tout, la globalité.
Story line
So the idea is to not only that about me but talk about what I feel, what I see, what I hear and most of all what touches me...
Miami Paradise
This summer my dear friend invited me in Miami. She took me everywhere. I told her that I did a crash-course on design and architecture in Miami. Here is a few pictures of our trip.
Isaac Augiak Artiste inuit
J'ai acheté cet oeuvre d'un artiste inuit croisé en train de vendre ses dessins sur la rue Sainte-Catherine près de l'ancien forum. J'adore.
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