dimanche 22 janvier 2012
I try my best
I once asked a friend what he thought of me during my wild years if he thought I was crazy he said no but different. I liked it. My motivations are not the same as other people. I have a strong sense of direction in my life because God is with me in all of my steps. I don't do things for the same reason as others. I'm not driven by jealousy or pride or ego or revenge, none of those things. I try to adjust my actions to my thoughts and my thoughts to my words. Sometimes I do fail, I'm only human after all, but I try my best.
somewhere
Neither here nor there somewhere in between. The only way to get through is faith and trust. Very hard, very very hard. I have to convince myself to let go and to believe. If it's true it will stand if it is false it will fail. The conclusion is not in my hands. Gotta do the right thing and the rest is above my will, that's all. Very hard. I'm happy I'm strong. I know that I can wrap myself very quickly in case of disapointment. Won't be the first time. Meanwhile I put my heart and my body on hold. I share my mind, leaving space. Being as delicate as I can. Very hard. Trying to help but not intruding. Saying the right things. The decision is not in my hands, the conclusion is out of my reach. The only thing to do is to patience, trust and faith. Everyday makes it more difficult, everyday is one step further and deeper. Like a friend told me I don't need a good man I need a great man. So let it be.
samedi 21 janvier 2012
Life is full of surprises always expect the unexpected.
The rabbi today told us that the month of Shvat that begins on monday the 23rd is the month of truth which is exactly what I'm in now. He also talked about the importance of a our name and the importance to live up to it. For instance, what people thinks when they hear our name, what comes into their mind. A concept that is also so much intricate to what I'm living at this moment. Soon it will be the 10th anniversary of the death of my grand-mother on the 20th of Shvat, meaning the 13th of February. She passed away on the 2nd of february 2002. all those 2s...
vendredi 20 janvier 2012
dimanche 15 janvier 2012
One a rebel always I rebel
What I want is a man who is intelligent, solid, nice in the higher sense, sophisticated but not superficial, and with integrity. Who can assure me security and stability, who stands up for himself and for the ones he loves, with who I can go to museum, to classic concerts, theatres, with who I can talk about books we read, things we saw, music we heard, a man with who I can exchange and who assumes his choices and what his beliefs in. I don't need a man and I don't need a good man a need a great man, because I'm a woman.
In that way, I don't need a man with a situation and nothing else, I don't need a good lover and nothing else, I don't need nice and nothing else.
It's either that or I rather stay alone.
I never liked games I never was interested in games. What you see is what you get. I guess once a rebel always a rebel.
samedi 14 janvier 2012
vendredi 13 janvier 2012
dimanche 8 janvier 2012
samedi 7 janvier 2012
vendredi 6 janvier 2012
Values
It always surprise me to see how people are so attached to the status of money. Money seems to be the only way to value the quality of a person and to value their own quality. It is the pursue of the emptiness. I will have that so I will be happy. I just finished a very interesting book called the soul of money and it helped me to put myself on my track again. Sometimes I am shaken by the critics of people closed to me saying harsh things of my way of living and the way I manage my money. I find them intolerant, limited in spirit and mind and most of all claiming one thing and thinking another. I'm not pretending that I'm perfect I'm far away from it. But at least I try to do act according to my beliefs. I'm aware and always evaluating my behaviour. I'm conscious of being alive, conscious of my limitations but I always push myself a little bit further every day. If I fall, I admit my mistakes and I try again. I told my mother the other day that I was quite happy with myself even though my financial situation is not so great. I am proud to be a good and responsible mother, to have a small but comfortable place for me and my children, to have a satisfying job and to be a honest human being. Now is time to use my money in the right direction as well. I started. I'm trying to buy more carefully (it is hard, I have to admit), to buy healthy cleaning products and I'm planning to sponsor a kid with my girls. I am hoping to contribute to make this world a better world with my actions because now is my time. It is my last challenge, after that I will be free, after that I will fly on my own.
mercredi 4 janvier 2012
mardi 3 janvier 2012
Enzo le meilleur ami de l'homme
I'm always amazed to see how adapted dogs are to the human life. The perfect companion. Pure little soul. Our new addition Enzo Oliver Chaim.
Pina Baush Fantastic
I'm so sorry to have waited until the movie of Wim Wenders Pina to be aware of Pina Baush
Looking back
After the destruction of Sodome, G-d told Lot, his two daughters and his wife not to look back, if they would look back they would die. Lot didn't look back neither did the daughters but his wife couldn't resist to take a last glance at her old life burning in flames. Because she did she was turned into a statue of salt. Some say that we can still see her statue to this day.
It is difficult not to look back but I think there is a reason for certain things to be in the past. The past is the past there is nothing we can do about it. What matters is the present which hold our future. By looking in the past we become trapped and paralyzed making it impossible to move forward. The best thing is not to look back. The past is in the past, it is already gone, it doesn't exist anymore. What exists is the present, the now, now is the time to exist, now is the time to move upward.
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